Open Letter to the Person who stole my KYMCO People S200

Dear thief,

You are a worthless human, to steal from another person. I hope you are pleased that you have taken my only form of transportation – it gets 60 miles per gallon, and the helmet is under the seat.
I just want to warn you, that I have filed a Police Report and if you are caught, I will be pressing charges. Also, if I find you before the Police do, since you have committed an act of aggression against me, they will be able to find you at a local ER, South Strand is nice, I was there a few days ago. I will see to it, that if you are caught, you are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

“Do you know what paramecium are?” I remember my High School football coach asking, the first day of practice. “Paramecium is what eats whale shit! If you’re gonna steal from another person, you’re worse than a paramecium – you’re worse than what eats whale shit!”

Again, I hope you are happy with yourself. May you have a pleasant day, you worthless piece of scum.

Darryl W. Perry